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Posts Tagged ‘hillrod’

I know it’s hard to believe, but sometimes my sunny demeanour slips into a dark arid wasteland where my usually vibrant enthusiastic self settles into a depression from which very few dare to venture.

Then I smile as I recall Calvin and Hobbes. I’m brought back to those innocent days where a kid races down a snowhill with his tiger towards certain doom and only laughs in the face of it. Snowmen lay eviscerated and decapitated in the winter wonderland of a family’s front lawn. An old teacher will find new spring in her step as she has to restrain a little boy whose delusions of space travel and alien fighting bring him to an outburst in the middle of a history lesson.

Then I see this…

As the adrenaline pumps into my blood that sprays from a blood vessel in my head I grip the steering wheel so hard that my fingers start to crack. You see, this purloined image was never signed off on by the magnificent Bill Watterson. In fact, whenever the topic is brought up with him, it is an obvious source of disappointment. And, in his brilliance, Mr. Watterson has every right to be upset. I don’t use the word brilliant easily, but Bill Watterson IS brilliant. He stood firm against the merchandising of his characters specifically because he knew that it would cheapen them, and viola, you have it where one of his characters is smiling as he maliciously whips his dick out and pisses all over the place with his ass hanging out.

The ever gracious Mr. Watterson would never say any of this, but I will. Any sister-fucker who has this sticker anywhere on their hillbilly ride or anywhere else for that matter should wrap their lips around that diesel tail pipe while one of his dick dipping chew chawing backyard yokals heavy foots the gas pedal until his lungs are so filled with exhaust that they combust right out of his ass.

I wouldn’t even look favorably on anyone who looks at this image with anything other than pure disgust. Calvin was mischievous but NEVER malicious. His innocence was part of what made him so endearing. Had he just been a prick, everybody would’ve been hoping that Hobbes would’ve eaten him viciously. For those of us who read Calvin and Hobbes religiously, and understood it, this picture is an aberration on the same level as this…

So, you hillrodcockslurpingmotherfuckers, how did that feel to see your lord and savior as banging himself? Not very good did it. I’m sure I’ll get some hate mail for this, but it’s worth it to make it clear that it’s not funny or clever to have a pic of Calvin pissing on anything. In fact, you would be hard pressed to find anything dumber.

 

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