Archive for the ‘Politics and the Hoi Polloi’ Category

I know it’s hard to believe, but sometimes my sunny demeanour slips into a dark arid wasteland where my usually vibrant enthusiastic self settles into a depression from which very few dare to venture.

Then I smile as I recall Calvin and Hobbes. I’m brought back to those innocent days where a kid races down a snowhill with his tiger towards certain doom and only laughs in the face of it. Snowmen lay eviscerated and decapitated in the winter wonderland of a family’s front lawn. An old teacher will find new spring in her step as she has to restrain a little boy whose delusions of space travel and alien fighting bring him to an outburst in the middle of a history lesson.

Then I see this…

As the adrenaline pumps into my blood that sprays from a blood vessel in my head I grip the steering wheel so hard that my fingers start to crack. You see, this purloined image was never signed off on by the magnificent Bill Watterson. In fact, whenever the topic is brought up with him, it is an obvious source of disappointment. And, in his brilliance, Mr. Watterson has every right to be upset. I don’t use the word brilliant easily, but Bill Watterson IS brilliant. He stood firm against the merchandising of his characters specifically because he knew that it would cheapen them, and viola, you have it where one of his characters is smiling as he maliciously whips his dick out and pisses all over the place with his ass hanging out.

The ever gracious Mr. Watterson would never say any of this, but I will. Any sister-fucker who has this sticker anywhere on their hillbilly ride or anywhere else for that matter should wrap their lips around that diesel tail pipe while one of his dick dipping chew chawing backyard yokals heavy foots the gas pedal until his lungs are so filled with exhaust that they combust right out of his ass.

I wouldn’t even look favorably on anyone who looks at this image with anything other than pure disgust. Calvin was mischievous but NEVER malicious. His innocence was part of what made him so endearing. Had he just been a prick, everybody would’ve been hoping that Hobbes would’ve eaten him viciously. For those of us who read Calvin and Hobbes religiously, and understood it, this picture is an aberration on the same level as this…

So, you hillrodcockslurpingmotherfuckers, how did that feel to see your lord and savior as banging himself? Not very good did it. I’m sure I’ll get some hate mail for this, but it’s worth it to make it clear that it’s not funny or clever to have a pic of Calvin pissing on anything. In fact, you would be hard pressed to find anything dumber.



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I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.

Martin Luther King, Jr., delivering his 'I Have a Dream' speech from the steps of Lincoln Memorial. (photo: National Park Service)

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating “For Whites Only”. We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with a new meaning, “My country, ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim’s pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring.”

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

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Rather than tell you how this man’s anus is the receptacle for which Rush, Hannity, and other right-wing pundits deposit their tongues, I figured I would simply show you how ridiculous his arguments are and leave it at that.

As progressive radio is not as well-funded as conservative talk, late at night it is difficult to find any voices of sanity on the radio. So, instead, I opt to sharpen up on my arguments by listening to what the other side has to say. I have to tell you, their arguments are not difficult to overcome.

Mark Levin is probably the big guy behind all of the big names. Any talking point that happens to slither out of his rectum, happens to come out of the mouths of everyone on Fox news for at least a week and a half. Tonight, I heard two arguments that I would like to share with you.

Mark (he and I are on a first name basis) started revealing the holes in his argument by stating that Oliver Stone hates Americans. The argument goes EXACTLY like this:

Oliver Stone’s movies portray Americans as detestable as they are the  perpetrators of the most heinous crimes across the globe.

By Americans Oliver Stone is referring to “people like you and me”

Therefore Oliver Stone hates “people like you and me”

Although very flimsy, so far this argument could make some sort of twisted sense. But stay with me because things are about to get good. Marky continues:

Oliver Stone puts this stuff for the American people to turn against each other.

Oliver Stone is a moron and anyone who goes out to see his movies and puts money in his pocket is detestable.

Do you get it, yet? Mark says that Oliver stone hates Americans because he puts out propoganda that portrays them as being detestable. Mark also says that any American who goes to see an Oliver Stone movie is also detestable (Yes, he used the same word). Therefore, Mark is doing exactly what he claims Oliver Stone is doing. By his own argument, Mark Levin hates Americans!!!!! And by Americans, he means “people like you and me”. As if this wasn’t enough, Marky Mark puts a cherry on top of the shit sundae that he calls his argument by saying the following:

“I have never seen any of his movies but I know what I’m talking about”

Watch out children, or the Levin Monster will get you.

Yes, Mark, you definitely know what you are talking about.

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Although I would be very happy to watch the walls of every monopoly corporation that has ever destroyed a part of our ecosystem crumble on top of the heads of the executives who took home fat paychecks while they were raping our environment, I am saddened to say that it will probably never happen. In all earnest, the way that everything is stacked in favor of corporate monopolies, it would be impossible to do anything that will ever truly destroy them. Even if one is dissolved, it is merely broken up only to coalesce back into another form later on anyway.

Corporate Monopolies never die, they just come back in another form when/if they are ever broken up. They’re like fucking vampires. The only thing I can hope is that there is some cosmic justice out there where companies like BP, Exxon, and the like, will be smothered in all of eternity in their own oily crude. A place where the all of the life that they destroyed will be taken out of their collective asses until it is paid back a hundred fold. If you know me, you know that I have a stronger belief in the Easter Bunny than I do in god or an afterlife. Even with that, there is a small part of me that hopes that there is some divine creature waiting at the end of some dark tunnel with unspeakable horrors to impose hellish justice to any bastard that destroyed anything beautiful for the sake of profits.

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Art by Scart

So, you all know that I like to bitch. Well, the thing I like to bitch most about is corporations and the rich bastards that run them. I don’t give a fuck about the people who stroke off to Atlas Shrugged each night before they go to bed and their fanciful world where the people who move all societies are the top 5%.  And I quote Kung Fu Monkey:

“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”

With recent events such as BP ejaculating it’s crude into our ecosystem or Goldman Sachs dipping their sacks into our mouths while we gladly suckle for a taste of the good life, we are constantly being raped by these selfish fuckers. They are locusts! Now, I’m not claiming to have all of the answers. But, there is a phrase with seems suspiciously absent from contemporary dialogue in regards to this situation. If you guessed that the phrase I am referring to is the Motorhead Song/Movie title/Book Title that I chose to title this blog, well then you deserve a cookie. Go ahead! Get one! I’ll wait.

I say we Eat the Fucking Rich!

This concept is more about practicality than anything else. There are many people on this planet who are starving. And what better food supply than the most fucking useless pieces of shit that exist. It’s Soilent Green! Except, instead of using old people who can be quite useful, we use people like Steven Hemsley from United Healtcare who pulled in over 13.2 million, that’s 13,200,000 for telling people who are sick to go suck a fat cock when they submitted health insurance claims. I imagine him with a nice chiffonade of basil and red onion. Or let’s talk about some of the fucksticks at Exxon who pulled in more in profits last year than any corporation in the history of the US, and possibly the world. We could marinate them in olive oil with a little balsamic Vinegar.

Let’s stop protecting these cum-slurping road whores with stupid fucking talking points like “let’s lower corporate taxes so that the rich can shower us with their wealth”. Yeah, right! More like a golden shower. Well, if you want to get pissed on, go right on ahead TeaBaggers. But I say fuck ’em.

Let the feast begin!

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I never wanted to be a writer. I don’t even think I’m really good at it. But I had one story in my head and the next thing you know I’m writing short stories, political editorials, reviews, Poems, and other some such shit. Maybe it’s because I am an outsider that I am fucking enraged with the elitism from writers, agents, publishers, critiques, and all the other assholes that I have neglected to mention. This is not to say that everyone in the industry is like this, it’s just an overwhelming majority. I don’t even give a shit if someone who IS a good writer KNOWS he/she is a good writer and feels a need to let everyone else know that. That at least makes sense to me. If you’re good, let everyone know! It’s the ones whose works are better suited for toilet paper than for reading that really piss me off.

And what is it with fucking literary agents. It’s no wonder that writing is a fuck-fail of an industry that is full of a few elitist fucks that are slowly riding the toilet barge down as it is flushed away. You can’t even get to a publisher without first seeing one of these pricks. And you cant even see one of these pricks unless you’re previously published! Sure, they spout “we’re looking for the freshest voices.” What they mean is “we’re looking for the freshest voices only if it reads like something we have already read a thousand times and makes money.” (Vampire and Magician Novelists, I’m looking at you) Vampire novels about love haven’t been fresh since Anne Rice, and even she would concede that she her ideas from Bram Stoker, and unless your magician character is named Harry Fucking Potter and you’re last name is Rowling, stick that wand up your ass and save us all the trouble.

Keep in mind too if you want a critique of your novel, which MAY help you garner an agent, it will cost 2,000 – 5,000 dollars. What kind of bastard charges 5,000 dollars so that you can have someone tell you that your characters are one-dimensional, that your plot is unoriginal, and that your prose looks like it was written by a 12 year old retarded monkey with dislyexia.

Also, if you want to have a book reading at a chain bookstore, such as Barnes and Nobel, you’re shit out of luck. Even though they can technically order your books, you cant even talk there unless you get your publisher to insure that, if B&N cant sell your book, you’ll shit a pile of money to cover their costs.

And this finally brings me to literary magazines. You are a dying fucking breed!!!! Hate to be the one to tell you! And you have the nerve to say that shit like, “our insistence on subjective uniqueness, our commitment to a global perspective, our search for viable aesthetic modes for contemporary experiences” makes you unique! No wonder no one wants to read your shit.

Many of the writers I have met have been humble, even when they are really fucking good, and it disturbs me that they are at the mercy of an industry that has its head so far up its own ass that they need to take a stool softener just so that they can come out for a breath of fresh air every so often. Some say that it’s the internet that’s killing print and books. Some say that it’s the fact that 80% of Americans last year didn’t even bother picking up a fucking book. Well, there’s definitely something to be said about this. But it’s also worth noting that if you are going to make this industry so difficult to get into, even if you are really really really good, then how can it be a surprise that the fucking thing is dying. If you were this picky with what you eat, you would die too!

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Most of the cons constantly tote the benefits of a free-market without Government intervention, and proclaim that private industry can do anything better than government ever can. Now, they are calling out Obama for not acting quickly or efficiently enough with the recent BP/Haliburton oil disaster in the Gulf. So, let me get this straight: the government is inefficient and should not get involved any aspect of business, but when a business fails miserably at what they are supposed to do, the government needs to quickly roll in, no questions asked. It also seems that government shouldn’t get involved in the lives of individuals by providing a social safety net for when those individuals become too old to work or are fired from their job. At the same time, they should be ready to provide subsidies and loans to financial institutions to make sure that they can continue to amass great wealth unhindered. The Con’s argument is simple, government needs to stay out of the way, unless the rich people need money.

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